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Monday, October 22, 2018

Tales From The Classroom

(For politics, please scroll down)

("Tales from the Classroom" is a feature posted occasionally here at this blog.  All tales are true and present matters about which I have personal knowledge. The following blog post relates to a particular aspect of teacher training: that of communicating with parents)

From School Reports - What Teachers Really Mean:
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).

12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).

13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
(A mouth that never stops yacking OR Is able to imaginatively express his thoughts in various media.
(Caught writing on bathroom walls.)

14. Displays leadership ability.

15. Has potential to stand out from his peers.
(Headed for America's Most Wanted.)

16. Technologically proficient.
(Hacked into school computer system.)

17. Handwriting is excellent.
(Forges parents' signatures.)

18. Creatively expresses himself.
(Uses profanity.)

19. Has materials available at all times.
(Desk overflowing with crap.)

20. Talented artist.
(Draws pictures in class.)

21. Meticulous worker.
(Never completes assignments.)

22. Independent thinker.
(Does not follow directions.)

23. Others look to her for guidance.
(Bad influence.)

24. Excellent multi-tasking abilities.
(Does not pay attention.)

25. Finishes all assignments quickly.
(Sloppy, careless work.)

26. Maintains constant cheerful attitude.
(Nothing phases him.)
Yes, we teachers actually receive training in how to use certain euphemisms. Mustn't freak out the parents or damage Little Johnny's self-esteem, you know.


  1. Right ... and the fact that the little darling is a high school freshman with a fourth grade reading ability, who is unable to perform simple mathematics, cannot write a simple sentence, whose profanity equals that of a chief bos'un's mate, and whose demeanor in class warrants water boarding must never be reported to her parents.

    Do we have a great public school system, or what?

    Sam H.

    1. Sam, Imagine Alex Ocaseonuts-Cortez, up and coming congress critter is dumber than Hank Johnson. I've seen her described as talking like a 5th grader. I think it's even worse than that.

    2. INFANTILE is the proper word for AOC's performance as a DISASTERCRAT candidate, Kid.

      But then she became popular with meteoric speed, precisely because our dumbed-down voting age population is now developed intellectually and emotionally no higher than the level of an average second-grader –– as second-graders USED to be when I was in school I'm sure their level of achievement is much lower than that today.

      "A Representative Democracy Could Be No Better than the Mental, Moral and Spiritual Development of Its People."

      ~ Franco Arogasta aka FreeThinke

      Feel free to quote me. };^)>

  2. Replies
    1. Kid,
      These euphemisms have been in play for over 47 years. I heard them during my teaching training courses (1971-1973). Is it any wonder that we have several generations of snowflakes now?

    2. Even FORTY YEARS AGO, when I was teaching at a private hig school in New York, the headmaster called me on the carpet for being too forthright in my written quarterly reports to the parents on their childrend's performance and progress.

      Sadly this regrettable phenomenon is nothing new.

      I found to my everlasting sorrow and deep regret that in the field of Education HONESTY is not only NOT the best policy, it is offically regarded as ANATHEMA.

    3. AOW, Stop me if you've heard this one. My lunch pals quit teaching 40 years agao because of this BS and went back to school getting MS degrees and reinserting into the private sector.

      Hell, I graduated in 1970 and outside of hard studies such as math and science I don't feel I learned Anything of value.

    4. Kid,
      Many of my friends did the same as your lunch pals. Other stayed in the system and tried to reform it. A real no-go!

      I left public education, and for 18 wonderful years at the private school, felt that I really was educating students.

      Then the day came that the directors aged out.

      The buyers, for whom I managed to work for, for one full school term, were "educators" -- and bought into all the nonsense.

      I walked away.

  3. Kid is so right –– as usual. These euphemisms translated are both funny and very very sad.

    But take heart. What we see today is really nothing new. Enjoy this witty appraisal of cntemporary society written by Noel Coard in NINETEEN=TWENTY-SEVEN!

    WHAT’S GOING to HAPPEN to the TOTS? (1927)

    Life today is hectic.
    Our world is running away.
    Only the wise can recognize
    The process of decay.
    All our dialectic
    Is quite unable to say
    Whether we’re on the beam or not,
    Whether we’ll rise supreme or not,
    Whether this new regime or not
    Is leading us astray.

    We all have Frigidaires, radios,
    Television and movie shows
    To shield us from the ultimate abyss.
    We have our daily bread neatly cut,
    Every modern convenience but
    The question that confronts us all is this:

    What’s going to happen to the children
    When there aren’t any more grown-ups?
    Having been injected with some rather peculiar glands
    Darling Mum’s gone platinum
    And dances to all the rumba bands.
    The songs that she sings at twilight
    Would certainly be the highlight
    For some of those claques that Elsa Maxwell
    Takes around in yachts.
    Rockabye, rockabye, rockabye my darlings,
    Mother requires a few more shots.
    Does it amuse the tiny mites
    To see their parents high as kites?
    What’s, what’s, what’s going to happen to the tots?

    Life today’s neurotic, a ceaseless battle we wage;
    Millions are spent to circumvent
    The march of middle age.
    The fact that we grab each new narcotic
    Can only prove in the end

    Whether our hormones gel or not
    Whether our cells rebel or not,
    Whether we’re blown to hell or not,
    We’ll all be round the bend
    From taking Benzedrine, Dexamyl,
    Every possible sleeping pill
    To knock us out or knock us into shape.
    We all have shots for this, shots for that,
    Shots for making us thin or fat,
    But there’s one problem that we can’t escape.

    What’s going to happen to the children
    When there aren’t any more grown-ups?
    Thanks to plastic surgery and uncle’s abrupt demise,
    Dear Aunt Rose has changed her nose
    But doesn’t appear to realize
    The pleasures that once were heaven
    Look silly at sixty-seven,
    And youthful allure you can’t procure
    In terms of perms and pots.
    So lullaby, lullaby, lullaby my darlings,
    Try not to scratch those large red spots,
    Think of the shock when mummie’s face
    Is lifted from its proper place,
    What’s, what’s, what’s going to happen to the tots?

    What’s going to happen to the children
    When there aren’t any more grown-ups?
    It’s bizarre when grandmamma, without getting out of breath
    Starts to jive at eighty-five and frightens the little ones to death.
    The police had to send a squad car
    When daddy got fried on vodka
    And tied a tweed coat round mummie’s throat
    In several sailor’s knots.
    Hushabye, hushabye, hushabye my darlings,
    Try not to fret and wet your cots.
    One day you’ll clench your tiny fists
    And murder your psychiatrists.
    What’s, what’s, what’s going to happen to the tots?

    ~ Noel Coward (1899-1973)


    Notable Coward Quotations:

    It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

    Work is much more fun than fun.

    Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

    1. Once again we see an ample illustration of the French maxim:

      Plus ca change, plus ca la meme chose,"

      "The more things change, the more they remain the same."

  4. 26. Maintains constant cheerful attitude.
    (Nothing phases him.)

    I have to be the one who has to say it, but when something irritates, frightens, disturbs or otherwise displeases you, you mayor may not be FAZED by it but never "PHASED." [Please look it up, if you don' t want to believe me.]

    I remember making that very same error when a Sophompre in high school, and was vigorously CORRECTED in BOLD RED PENCILfor my error.

    Teachers were not afraid of CORRECTING their students sixty years ago, and our country was much the better for their unapologetic candor.

    1. Only those who truly LOVE or CARE about YOU, have the courage to hurt your feelings when warranted.

      We go to school for the precise purpose of BEING corrected. How else could we ever hope to learn?

      IF we were SMART, we would WELCOME correction even as mature adults. CORRECTION should be considered a BLESSING –– unless it is couched in terms of sarcasm, mockery, and derision intended to HUMILIATE and WOUND rather than INSTRUCT.

    2. De nada, Kid. Thank you for being you.

      Onward and Upward!

  5. Great list...Kid's right...sad, too. And, of course, if we started saying the italicized things instead, maybe we'd be able to help children but our leftwingers would faint away ...TRUTH? HURT FEELINGS? CONFIDENCE BREAKERS?
    How do kids have CONFIDENCE in ANYTHING when they know people are lying to protect their BS?
    I have a close friend who's a principal...i wish i could remember the term, but they can't even say kids aren't doing well in their classes...they have to say some RUBBISH euphemism that makes me laugh and cry every time we're talking about particular students...

  6. Where and when I went to school, the principal ENJOYED terrorizing students with corporal punishment. It got so bad one day a group of parents came down and beat the shit out of the principal.

    1. LOL My parents always sided with the teachers and the principles, until my fatass football coach really starting busting my balls hard. Dad threatened him and he lightened up.

      When my brother got to highschool the same fatass coach went after my brother and my dad had enough of that. He went to the school ostensible for a conference, and he ended up manhandling the coach, pinning him to the the wall and telling him the next time he picked on my brother, my dad was going to beat his ass. Problem solved.

    2. AHA! Your father acted just as young Hugh's Father did when enlisting the aid of TY BANDO to teach Hugh's sadistic bully of a teacher the Lesson of His Life in How Green Was My Valley? One of the most Glorious Scenes in all of Filmdom!

      Direct extra-legal PHYSICAL VIGILANTISM is OFTEN the best, surest, most-effective way of dealing with the untoward aggression of outrageous sons of bitches ––– AND illegal INVASIVE activities such as the CARAVAN of ILLEGAL ALIENS currently preparing to ATTACK and INVADE our country by main force.

      When the Law fails to foster and protect JUSTICE, it's time to OVERRIDE The Law and take care of your own interests YOURSELF.

      Hail. CLIVEN bUNDY!

  7. Great list! What happened to scores for citizenship and plays well with others?


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