First of all, being offended is a state of mind which originates within the mind of the person who is offended. It has no external causes, it originates within, and its causes lie in the person's biases, preferences and fears.If I become offended after you utter a sentence, it is because I choose to become offended. You do not control my mind. You cannot create my state of mind. You cannot control my emotions. If you dispute this you have a very serious living problem. You are doomed to be incapable of living in society.
You may use language that is designed to make me take offense. You may be deliberately trying to create a certain state of anger or offense in my reaction, but I always have the right not to do what you want me to do. I can respond by NOT being offended. I don't have to become offended just because you want me to.
Secondly, if my peace of mind, my self image and/or my self esteem is dependent on your actions, lack of actions or speech, then I am the worst sort of prisoner. It means I have to control you, which is an utterly hopeless proposition. It means that I have to control each and every person with whom I come in contact. Just stop and think of the sheer insanity of that idea.Further, it also means that every person who comes into contact with me must be allowed to control my speech and actions to assure their peace of mind, self image and/or self esteem. So we have a society of 235 [sic] million people, all frantically trying to control each other. Not really a viable proposition.What we have is a social fabric of people frantically trying to control everybody else so that they do not have to control themselves.
Think about the above for a few moments.
What a terrible world it would be if everyone were the same, with the same exact opinions!
We would all be cookie cutter images that match each other: housing, vehicles, clothing, music, visual arts, ideology, etc.
Cue The Twilight Zone's "Eye of the Beholder" and its dystopian view of the future — this time a dystopian view of the concept of human physical attractiveness:
Long live differences! They are part of what makes us human!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteTC,
DeletePlease rephrase without the gratuitous vulgarity. I don't want a cascade of vulgarities here.
Thanks.
I've read through several deleted comments and I think that now is the time to, remind those that haven't figured it out, what our 'unwritten' but should be obvious rules are.
Delete#1 OUR BLOG OUR RULES. If you don't like it take a hike!
This blog is open to the public but is our intellectual property, NOT yours. We don't come in to your living room and take a dump and we won't have you doing that here. If you think what we do is censorship then you don't understand the concept.
Any one of you can open your own blog and post drivel to your little hearts content.
That's it, one rule. "Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul."
Perfectly said Warren. None of have to be the object of anyone's insults or abuses.
DeleteSometimes no one outside myself gets my sense of humor on the first take. That's fine.
DeleteMy joke was an analogy of the fact that the first to offend the host gets thrown out of the party.
Twitter and TouTube work the same way.
@Thuought Criminal It is rare of AOW to delete a comment. And your "joke" meant to be and "analogy" is not necessarily true. I have seen lots of unkind comments sit here. It is all in the presentation my friend.
DeleteTC,
DeleteIf you want clarification as to why I deleted your comment, feel free to email me. My email address is in the sidebar--toward the top.
BTW, the cascade I mentioned began almost immediately. **frown**
Sorry about that.
DeleteI don't conflate toleration with acceptance. Toleration just means you won't kill me for singing out of tune. ;)
Jayhawk is a fount of wisdom. Unfortunately, we have lost the mindset he expresses here and that is the root of much of our societal discord.
ReplyDeleteIt's a fairly accurate portrayal of my own mindset, but I'm trying to become less antisocial.
DeleteWhen you awaken in the morning, remind yourself that the people you will deal with that day will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. Then remind yourself that those people simply cannot distinguish between good and evil — whereas, you can. ~Marcus Aurelius Antonius
DeleteAnd the timeless model jayhawk lays out works best in a society where we are polite and respectful of one another, and don't go out of our way to gratuitously insult others.
DeleteIt is so tried and so obvious, but I will restate it anyway: The anonymity and distance of social media unfortunately goes some people into the worst kinds of speech and behavior.
SF,
DeleteThe anonymity and distance of social media unfortunately goes some people into the worst kinds of speech and behavior.
No doubt about it!
BUT...
As I said further down in this thread...
One blogger whom I used to know used this for his standard for commenting: "I pretend my grandmother is looking over my shoulder and reading what I've written."
Not a bad standard -- at least for that particular blogger.
In my case, I always remember that my students and many of my former students know all about my social media platforms.
Mustang,
DeleteWise words from Marcus Aurelius Antonius!
For the first time I am speechless. Mustang's quote says it perfectly, so why break what is not broken?
DeleteAll depends on our level both personally and societal of our evolution. How much difference of opinion can a society tolerate? Some societies and cultures not very much. It depends what those opinions are about... shared values go a long way in keeping harmony.
ReplyDeleteOne reason that Christianity has so much appeal. We just aren't there yet.
Bunkerville,
DeleteWise comment about shared values.
Whatever happened to shared values?
Sounds like the "white fragility" that progressives are always going on about. Who knew that they were talking about themselves?
ReplyDeleteBe ANTI-FRAGILE!
+++
DeleteOne blogger whom I used to know used this for his standard for commenting: "I pretend my grandmother is looking over my shoulder and reading what I've written."
ReplyDeleteNot a bad standard -- at least for that particular blogger.
Love it!! Your grandmother. Or your lawyer. The standard I use for tricky memos or letters is "imagine this being read in open court and you defending its points and tone."
DeleteBAYSIDER
The 235 million is a typo, of which I make many. I have Parkinson's, so typing is something of an adventure. (That's why I retired from computer programming! :-) ) I type a post and then go back and correct where I hit the wrong keys. Sometimes I miss a few.
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes my finger clicks on the "Publish" button when I'm trying to scroll down. Drat. Anyway, thanks for your approbation.
DeleteJayhawk
DeleteI type a post and then go back and correct where I hit the wrong keys. Sometimes I miss a few.
I understand. I have some radiculopathy.
My motto has been and still is "F you if you're not offended" but I've almost always directed that weapon of crass destruction at the PC crowd.
DeleteJayhawk,
DeleteThat's okay, we are glad to have you here.
"I pretend my grandmother is looking over my shoulder and reading what I've written."
ReplyDeleteTruly excellent.
Or even worse, our future selves.
DeleteOk Mustang you beat me to it again! HAHA...joking of course.
ReplyDeleteWhat a true statement, but for me it reads,
"I pretend my father is looking over my shoulder and reading what I've written"
Sometimes I have deleted comments before I posted them, other times I deleted whole posts because I felt my father's presence and I knew he would not be pleased.
We do not have to all think alike. I believe we can agree to disagree. It is healthy. I also hate the "Stepford Wives."
We are not clones but individuals. It is time we embrace our own and others individuality and just look for the good and discard the bad. After all, not one of us is perfect or all knowing.
Well, all I can say is; if my Grandma was watching over my shoulder while I was posting, she'd make me go out back and cut a switch!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I'd love to see that!
DeleteMy grandmother never had to switch me, and most times she never had to say even a word. All she had to do was give me her "I'm disappointed" look.
DeleteMy mother, on the other hand, switched me just about every day. And I deserved it! I was not an easy child. I had what my mother referred to as my father's family bull-headness. Germans!
Oh my gosh it you could, or I could make parody your comments. My grandmother[s] never switched me. My one grandfather would threaten to with a tree branch, which he called a "Sheeba." My other grandpa had to only speak to me so sternly with that cold look in his eyes and I would retreat.
DeleteMy mom switched me almost every day too. Not hard to imagine. I still speak my mind. Taboo back in the day for a child to speak their mind. We were to be seen, not heard and I was constantly told I was cut from my father's cloth. One time I was so mad when she told me that I told her "Well, it's better than your cloth." My father could not help himself and burst out laughing. I was told and called a dummkopf, scatterbrained, told I would never amount to nothing. OMG now I need to rant? Sorry TMI. But that's what happens when you mix Croatian, Lithuanian, and German with a touch of Dutch! :)
And I will add my two younger sister are much more successful than me financially and professionally. I guess I really did not amount to much. Life's been hard but I can still for the most part have my health, write a blog, and when I was a paralegal, I did it well and was told to become a lawyer, so I was not much of a dummkopf after all. LOL!
DeleteThe last time I was told to cut a switch when I was a kid, I pulled up the whole bush by the root ball.
DeleteI got whacked with the bush, but that ended the switching.
Are you serious? LOL! :)
DeleteMy parents seemed to be convinced the world didn't revolve around me. Tearing up the switch bush was a counterpoint that didn't go as planned lol
DeleteTC,
DeleteThe last time I was told to cut a switch when I was a kid, I pulled up the whole bush by the root ball.
LOL!
We had too large of a bush for me to do that.
The damn forsythia bush was at least twice my height and very, very fat.
"I guess I really did not amount to much."
ReplyDeleteTwo things:
It's not really up to you to decide. The lasting impressions you make on other people are --for the most part-- unknowable. I've gotten letters from people, I had long forgotten, telling me how I had made a real difference in their life.
Many of the people we now consider masters of music, art and the written word were unknown in their own time and now are recognized as the beginnings of a "sea change" in their fields, which may have not been anything but a hobby at the time.
Goals and expectation are great things but are not true measurements of happiness. You may find yourself with a bitter taste in your mouth even if the goals and expectations are met. Be true to yourself and meet both your successes and failures with humility and grace.
As for me; I go forward from here. Most things in life are beyond our control, we cannot change the past and every day begins a new adventure.
Thank you Warren and you made me cry. You are a kind person to say all that. But thank God I did not have my war paint on there would be a barrage of colors all over my laptop! lol :)
DeleteYou are right every day brings a new adventure. My dad when he was alive one time told me when I was depressed and sort of renumerating to him about life said, "The day is what you make it." Sometimes simple logic and truth kicks you in the butt and makes you realize the truth of it all. The day is what I make it, and I pray I always make it good.
Thanks to all my cyber friends! :)
Elizabeth,
DeleteWarren is the kindest person I've ever known. One of several reasons that I fell in love with him.
Right on, and see CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters. Right on point.
ReplyDeleteYou can find a free download of "The Screwtape Letters" in PDF format below.
DeleteThe Screwtape Letters
Excellent comments and pitch perfect conclusion, Jayhawk.
ReplyDelete"I'm offended" is leftspeak for "I disagree with you, and it's your fault I feel bad."
BAYSIDER
The tenor and preoccupations of the public discourse is a thing of great significance. A politician might pander to it, a particular group may be alienated by it, a cruel person could be disinhibited by it.
ReplyDeleteI subscribe to freedom of speech and watch carefully for signs that it has been violated. Nevertheless, in my own speech I aspire to contribute positively, or at least not egregiously pollute, the public discourse. I can consider it the responsibility of every adult to not flippantly attack scapegoats, and I morally judge adults who do not take this responsibility seriously.
Well stated. I have the freedom to say anything, but I exercise that freedom judiciously. Not out of fear of self-censorship, but usually out of politeness or not wanting to gratuitously offend others or their closely-held beliefs.
DeleteSF,
DeleteTeaching has taught me the teacher not to provoke others -- except with good cause (i.e., truth telling in the face of wokeness).
I won't get into it in depth and you all can judge for yourselves how I acquaint myself, proforma, in matters of debate and argument.
ReplyDeleteI have -what I think of as- a job here. To take out the trash and tidy up.
@ Joe,
DeleteGroot,is my role model!
How did you know?
(The Shadow knows, Bwa HA Ha Ha ;)
Groot... meet Grogu.
DeleteBwa HA Ha Ha... :)
I'll just keep dancing to my own tune. ;)
ReplyDeleteI can certainly respect that! :)
Delete:)
Delete