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Thursday, March 19, 2020

Humor For These Days Of Toilet Paper Mania

(For serious politics, please scroll down)

We need a little laughter to stay sane.

From Bored Panda

Posted last week on my ritzy online neighborhood network and generating more than 112 comments, most enjoying the thread:
At 7:00pm, I will be tossing a single roll of toilet paper into the street directly outside of the...parking garage back exit. I will observe the ensuing battle from my balcony. If the spectacle is entertaining, I will raise my thumb. The victor will be then granted an additional two-ply roll. May the stars be aligned in your favor.
Over the course of several days, more information appeared, such as:
The Battle Roll is "Scott® 1000 Toilet Paper." The Caesar's Option Roll is "Cottonelle Ultra Comfort Care."
It's good to see a sense of humor in my online neighborhood network.  Amazing, in fact!  The network is filled with progressives, only a few of whom voiced concern that any sense of humor should be shown at all.

Meanwhile, in Florida (Click on the graphic below to enlarge it).

Bonus graphic..................

Appropriate tune for our Coronavirus times (Alice Cooper, 1972 release)?............

Alice Cooper with the Muppet Players version HERE.


  1. Replies
    1. We so need to keep each other sane through all of this. ;-)

    2. Hi, Vi!

      Constant Affirmation of Faith and MILITANT OPTIMISM are, I believe, the best –– possbly the ONLY –– defense against the raving mad hysteria, and vindictive eagerness to find SOMEONE to BLAME (namely President Trump!) now sweeping over the land.


    From all the Jails the Boys and Girls
    Ecstatically leap —
    Beloved only Afternoon
    That Prison doesn’t keep

    They storm the Earth and stun the Air,
    A Mob of solid Bliss —
    Alas — that Frowns should lie in wait
    For such a Foe as this!

    ~ Emily Dckinson (1830-1886)

  3. My local grocery store is rationing toilet paper... one single roll per customer.

    1. Use just one aquare all the way ––
      Then one other if you must
      You'll save money and your day
      Will brighten with new thrift and trust!

  4. I just left my grocery store after having been told yesterday they'd have TP early in the morning....there was a line about 75 people long and I saw carts being wheeled out by buyers who had at least 2 LARGE packages of TP (like 10 rolls in each)....Absolutely no rationing...what are they THINKING? I left.
    2 more stores had none. Went on Amazon....the only small bunch, 4 rolls, was $30....no way. ALL were "undeliverable in my area"...so thankfully, my student and I have about one roll each left and there's the full roll in the guest bathroom, but I need to GET CRACKING (oops...pardon the pun!! HAAAAAAAAAA!!)

    1. AND 10 minutes after this comment, I went downstairs only to find a 9-roll package of TP on my back patio.....from a neighbor. Life is good. Neighbors are better :-)

    2. A great example of SERENDIPITY at its best.

      God loves you, and so does your neighbor!

    3. She knew I could find any so it's not so serendipitous, though I like that idea! But yes...God, my neighbor....SO GOOD! Thanks, Franco!

    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    5. God loves you, Franco loves you, and so do I. :-) The local supermarket here had empty shelves as well and I'm afraid I'm going t have to avail myself of the "seniors only" hours that they've established. On a more humorous note, the only beer they had in abundance on their shelves was "Corona"

  5. I think I prefer the Muppet version It has the advantage of being tongue in cheek. :-)

    1. Did you mean to say tong in cheek? ;-)

    2. Possibly. I wasn't paying that close attention. ;-)

  6. Replies
    1. "Rich" or 'RIGHTEOUS"!? GOod for him. I believe Trump's been accused of underplaying this from the start mostly because panic is NOT NEEDED. He never said "it's nothing...go about your business..."
      Also, DJT REALLY lost his cool this morning at the daily Presser...at a columnist, but I can't remember what the subject was!! I remember he said, at the end of the heated exchange "You should be ASHAMED" Well, obviously, it was saying something that was NOT true.........And Trump is so tired of untruths in the news, that's for sure. Of course, if he could TELL less untruths, that might help.
      It was astonishing to hear reporters this morning asking Pompeo if a president should call the State Dept "DEEP STATE" with THAT president standing RIGHT THERE. Pompeo answered beautifully with reminding them all how much support he's had from Trump ....etc. really good stuff. I'm GLAD the Right's finally starting to speak up against this CRAP.

    2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    3. Franco Aragosta said...

      I keep longing for the day when President Trump tells one of them, "FARKLE OFF, you HORN-TOAD BLISTER. EAT SHIFF and DIE. Now GET the FLUFF OUT of MY White House, and STAY OUT or I'll have SHOT on SIGHT, you SPHINCTER!"

      And no, I'm NOT kidding.

      THAT is what they DESERVE, and THAT is what they should GET.


      We made a few edits, since this isn't Clancey's Pool Room.
      -- Silverfiddle

  7. Z... he blew up at the reporter after he was asked what he would say to Americans who are scared who are watching you?

    Granted the reporter was hectoring Trump during a series of questions before that question, but it seems like a reasonable question, giving a president a chance to encourage the country.

    Mike Pence was asked the same question and he said "Don't be afraid, be vigilant."

    1. Dave, you know that it’s irrelevant in this forum. Dear Leader can do no wrong, The left has been ‘left’ behind in the race to victimhood.

    2. IMO, Trump was right to call out the reporter, but I wouldn’t have called it “blowing up.” DJT simply called it what is was, “sensationalism.” The reporter asked, “What message do you have, as President, for the millions of scared Americans ...”

      Good grief. Are there millions of scared Americans? I seriously doubt that. After sitting through a presser with the experts on hand to answer questions, to then ask the President such a question is exactly what DJT said it was: sensationalism —and deserving of rebuke. My guess is that these knuckleheads are so under-educated that they don’t even know what questions to ask the experts. I’ll conclude by saying that if I was this reporter’s editor, he’d have a letter of caution in his file right about now.

    3. @ CI: "Dave, you know that it’s irrelevant in this forum. Dear Leader can do no wrong..."

      I think we have some pretty open and honest conversations here, including criticisms of President Trump.

    4. Mustang: +++

      Asking the President "What would he say to scared Americans?" was indeed sensationalism.

      Its also an illogical subjunctive: What would the president say?

      He's been saying it every day, via his own comments and more importantly, through the government public health professionals.

    5. SF - Sure.......Ducky, Jez and a lesser assortment of Leftists have been critical. Alleged proponents of integrity and honesty on the Right.....not so much.

    6. Can you point to an example where AOW or I have defended the indefensible regarding the Bad Orange Man?

    7. Mustang... I'd say millions are scared... absolutely. Over 600,000 casino workers are now unemployed. Across California, New York, And Illinois, ppl are confined to their homes, worried about the future.

      I bet those folks are pretty scared for their future. Everyday this goes on economic the economic security of Americans gets closer to disaster.

    8. Of course, you could be right, Dave. Millions upon millions of Americans scared shitless, hiding under their beds, whimpering, waiting for the next great liberal nimrod to save them. But I don’t see much evidence of that where I live. I could be wrong, but I think Americans are made of sterner stuff, and I shouldn’t have to point out that Americans have endured much worse that what we’ve seen so far of the Kung Flu. You may recall, for example, that 550,000 Americans died during the Spanish Flu pandemic, 1918-1920. Worldwide, 50 million died. If there is one thing that I agree with Craig Fugate about (Obama’s FEMA director), it is that this is a problem that must be primarily addressed and solved by our respective states. The Feds can help, but we shouldn’t be thinking about radical solutions. For a little perspective in more recent times, millions upon millions of Americans weren’t scared shitless when Obama admitted to the United States for treatment people who were infected with the most dangerous virus known to mankind: Ebola. Whether that was a good decision or not isn’t the point. The point, in case you missed it, is that Americans need to grow a pair.

    9. Scared? Scared?

      Not this household.

      Somewhat apprehensive? Disrupted and disappointed, particularly with regard to our hopes and plans to move in the very near future? Yes.

      Mr. AOW and I may have kissed our stock-market IRA's goodbye, but we have "diversified our portfolio" insofar as we could.

      I will say that I now understand some of what my parents and grandparents did and advocated:

      1. Stay out of debt.
      2. Hang onto "stuff" because it "might come in sometime." Example: rag bags. Who needs toilet paper?
      3. Trust in the Lord, Who takes care of even the least of His creatures. See Matthew 6:25-34.

      The world is in for some hard times -- even harder than we've seen so far. But it is in our American DNA to toughen up and deal with whatever comes our way.

    10. "Ducky, Jez and a lesser assortment..."
      Yes! I made it to the top table.

      I think people are scared, and i'd include those who are merely apprehensive in my count. Not that the distinction is unimportand, bur it is imo irrelevant in this context.
      Ebola is a nastier infection, but it's ease of transmission that makes this one worthy of the drastic lockdown measures we're seeing now.
      I think federal and global cooperation will be important to solving this. I like subsidiarity in general, but we are connected, economically and personally, whether that fits our political disposition or not, and the degree to which we address that truth will have a large impact on the depth and duration of this crisis.

      At least we Got Brexit Done already. I'd hate for us to be distracted by all that negotiation pallaver on top of the pandemic. /sarc

    11. Jez... congrats on the promotion.

      You used the word apprehensive. I like that word. I'd add concerned. In Spanish, we use preocupado for worried. As in preoccupied.

      Mustang, I'm not seeing people running around in "chicken little" mode, but I see lots of people worried about paying the bills, losing jobs, relatives getting sick and more.

      The economic crisis of 2008/10 is still fresh in people's minds. Especially here in Las Vegas and other areas where tourism is the major employer. No money = no tourism = no jobs = ... fill in the blank.

      And as AOW noted, there are some good rules to follow to avoid some of these situations. But if you've been unable to do so, or even just didn't do so, being faced with a nasty future and reality can be very scary.

    12. Dave, I TOTALLY didn't get that response, except it's clear his nerves are getting on end. WHose wouldn't? HUGE responsibility, on little sleep.
      I thought that was a weird answer then I remembered it wasn't really an answer to that per se, but more a response to ALL the negativity he'd heard that day. I guess you don't know I'm not a big Trump rhetoric fan...but I am so glad we have someone who actually cares about this country and her people during this hideous time.

    13. "Can you point to an example where AOW or I have defended the indefensible regarding the Bad Orange Man?"

      Not defend, in the sense of claiming his demonstrably false claims are true, and I appreciate that you've remained in touch with factual reality, which is an increasingly rare quality. But I have seen you argue that his lies don't matter, that he's a clumsy innocent rather than a calculated dog-whistler, that any havoc he can reak is an improvement over the corrupt establishment, that it's up to the general public to search for safe, reasonable interpretations of his incoherent statements, rather than his responsibility to be clear in this time of crisis. These arguments are a kind of defense IMO.

    14. "calculated dog-whistler"
      You do realize that if you hear the dog whistle, you're the dog.
      We've heard everything is a "dog whistle" including the OK sign. Give it a rest, Rover. Just like calling everything "racist", --if everything is racist nothing is-- if everything is a dog whistle, nothing is. They are both meaningless tropes, focus group tested, to appeal to the mentally and factually challenged.
      Perhaps you should concentrate on trying to not be so condescending to us poor dumb American Conservative and Libertarian boobs.

    15. They are both meaningless tropes, focus group tested, to appeal to the mentally and factually challenged.

      Agreed. As are “fake news”, “politically correct” and “deep state”. They have no meaning beyond what the speaker intends.

  8. Interesting read...

    Apocalypse Fatigue: Why Won't At-Risk Boomers Panic About the Wuhan Virus?

    Relevant excerpt:

    In the past week, a story that keeps getting written and re-written by young journalists is the stubborn refusal of older Americans to panic about the Wuhan Virus. Pretty much every story reads: “Why is it that a healthy young American like me - in the demographic most likely to survive Coronavirus – is panicking right now, while my Boomer parents/grandparents, who are highly vulnerable to death by Coronavirus, refuse to panic or radically change their lifestyle?”


    We’ve been through a lifetime of media-hyped hysterias and apocalyptic predictions. If not complete hoaxes, they were falsely reported or over-hyped. Here are a few:...

    Read the rest at the above link.

  9. Here's what has me worried more than anything besides the virus itself: idiots are flushing non-flushable wipes, paper towels, and God knows what else and clogging up the pipes.


  10. The way that I see it is that President Trump's handling of the coronavirus crisis has been quick, without question, and decisive. He, and his administration has been smart enough and has tackled this hprror head on. He is NOT allowing the Chinese from their bogus claims .
    And as always, Donald Trump has taken the challenge and doing his best to stop it from allowing it to all but destroy this Nation.
    No one else could have done this better, NOT Hillary, NOT that Communist Bernie Sanders, and certainly NOT that Senile Old Fool Gropin Joe Biden.
    If any of those Losers would have been in charge of steering this ship, we would have already run out of excuses and failed ..

    The Libs made a BIG mistake by siding with the Chinese and allowing them to blame this disaster on the American Military, in their attempt to take down President Trump. It has only made the President and his supporters stronger.
    2020 belongs to President Trump. And Thank God for theat!

  11. Returning to the theme of the post... yesterday I found a lone 4 pack of TP at my local market. After smacking another old guy and kicking a handicapped wheelchair bound woman, I secured the package, paid and took it home.

    And yes, it is 100% flushable. My parents taught me well...

    1. LOL We know you too well to believe that! ;-)

    2. Silver... HA! My parents did indeed teach me well...

    3. Dave, SF is right...NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would you do that! :-)


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