Black holes: Where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinetics, raise my hand.
Early bird gets the worm; second mouse gets the cheese.
My psychic girlfriend left me before we met.
If you’re so smart, what's the speed of dark?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory; its just that some don’t have any film.
Shin is a device for locating furniture in the dark.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Success always occurs in private; failure in full view.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to golf.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable... except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
42.7 percent of all statistics is pure BS.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.