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Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Zingers

(If you must have politics, please scroll down)


"When Insults Had Class," shamelessly stolen from Woodsterman:

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either
die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace
your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices
I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many
obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might
send a reader to the dictionary." -
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book;
I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter
saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked
by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my
new play; bring a friend... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost
like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships
his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope
it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of
dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine
to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always
yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it
did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope
without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away
and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses
lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for
music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.
But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
I found Walter Kerr's and Samuel Johnson's the most amusing.

Which ones are your favorites?

15 comments:

  1. These are wonderful fun. I've seen most of them before, of course. They're classics.

    My favorites?

    Oh Oscar Wilde and Winston Churchill run neck and neck in competing for that honor. I could never choose one over the other.

    A Sir Winston-Lady Astor confrontation omitted was presumably overheard at a gathering of VIP's:

    LADY ASTOR: Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.

    SIR WINSTON: I am indeed, Lady Astor, and you are disgustingly ugly. The difference between us is that I shall recover in the morning.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A FEW MORE to BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY:

    “She ran the whole gamut of the emotions from A to B.”

    ~ Dorothy Parker reviewing Katharine Hepburn’s performance in her Broadway debut.

    “Does the Honourable Lady remember that she was an egg herself once: and a great many members of all sides of this House regret that it was ever fertilised?”

    ~ Sir Nicholas Fairbairn attacking junior Health Minister Edwina Currie over the salmonella crisis

    “A modest man, who has much to be modest about.”

    ~ Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee

    “I wish Stanley Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived.”

    ~ Winston Churchill





    ReplyDelete
  3. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope
    without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    Never read that one before. Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Liberals claim to want freedoms and rights like Free Speech, and other constitutional rights to all, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are some people that have views that are different that their own.. .

    ReplyDelete
  5. If there is ever a fascist takeover in America, it will come not in the form of storm troopers kicking down doors but with lawyers and social workers saying. "I'm from the government and I'm here to help ~Jonah Goldberg

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am sick and tired of these people telling me that I would think Obama was doing a great job, if I would only try to see through the color of his skin!

    ReplyDelete
  7. "His mother should have thrown him away
    and kept the stork."

    Guess who comes to mind. Hint, see DD's comment.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Outstanding quotes! These are worth saving.

    ReplyDelete
  9. MORE:


    “He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.”


    ~ George Bernard Shaw

    “Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”

    ~ Mark Twain

    “Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.”

    ~ Mark Twain

    “Sacred cows make the best hamburger.”

    ~ Mark Twain

    “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.”

    ~ Mark Twain

    “The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency.”


    ~ Eugene McCarthy

    “What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.”


    ~ Edward Langley

    “They were such a progressive couple they tried to adopt a gay baby.”


    ~Anthony Williams

    Gary Cooper and Greta Garbo may be the same person. Have you ever seen them together?


    ~ Ernst Lubitsch

    ReplyDelete
  10. Replies
    1. Thank YOU for starting it, sir. Nice to have a bit of fun for a change.

      Delete
    2. I've always loved witty one-liners.

      Delete

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